Lokashun: Enkythings Dollur Store

My telly-portin’ in sarch of a hat were a cornsiderabull disastur, it were.

Furst, I done used a hole lotter them Linden Dollurs wut Mistopher Onagodadavida pade me, includin’ my new raze: 100 Lindens per blob hear. 

N fur wat? I wint tu a gineral store an’ bought me a 10-gallun hat that I cain’t ware on my haid, cept’ as sum-sorter decorashun: it road on my haid upside-down! Yu kin see my pitchers I tuk of this aspeck (an more!) of my shoppin’ experdishun.

Now I don’t want yu folks tu think this iz sum type of self-defecatin’ humor or nuffin’ like that. Wen I got the ding-busted hat tu sit rite-side up, it floated in the air like wun of them Zipperlane-things that Gudyear flies.

Then I bought ‘nother hat at the dollur store n’ it diserpeered on me.  I got so plumb riled up that I tried to telly-port back tu my shanty, but still no luck fer Pappy. Instead, I got stuk in sum Purgeetory place wif ‘bout 100 other avamaters (well, 99 avamaters n’ me, a reel hummin bein’ ).  I wuz there fo’ bout an hour, tellin’ jokes n’ liftin’ the speerits of them folk (wimmin in purtickulur) cornsiderabully.

Finerally, I got back home. Happy endin’, tho: A nice feller name o Raz give me a reel nice hat that I plan tu ware in hiz honur.  And I made sum beautyfull wimmin larf reel hard wif my jokes n’ sichlike.

All my best regords,

Speshully tu Miz Dianna, who knows herself a thing or two ‘bout shoppin’ experdishuns.  She is sweeter’n peach brandee, I tell yu: she done arreddy foun’ me a rite nice set of ovuralls. She may be dun wif Ignoramus as a shoppin’ partnur, but I are reddy fer her if’n she are reddy fer me.

Pappy

PS: Well, I calcerlate that I put in 100 Linden worf for Ignoramus by now. 

PPS: I no that the editur done warned him ‘bout featurin’ long collums here, even bye talerted gest-riters, but I are mos’ desperate fer that 100.

PPPS (n finul remindur): if anybuddy who reeds this kin Instant-Massage me insider the wirld n’ let me no how tu erscape it, I wood be mitey beholden.

I plans tu warsh ‘em once per munth, if’n they needs it ur not.

Cheee-ZUS Pappy! You stink!! I may be a raccoon, but I got my limits. When’s the last time you washed them overalls? Have you washed them since ol Dixie Moonshine peed on them?

Oh, I guess you’re ‘seasoning’ them like an iron skillet! Now I understand…long enough unwashed and they become waterproof!

(not that there’s any real rain here…)

I wouldn’t mind a set of overalls myself!

Hook me up! ^_^

I’m ALWAYS ready to go shopping Pappy—-and fishing….

I have a little hat just like yours Mr. Pappy! Mines rilly little though…

Glad you got home safely though.

Invite me along on a nice adventure someday.. I don’t get out enough. :>

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