Lokashun: Whar they makes virtuul grissly-bars

Tree am the wurd fer it, in mo’ than wun sense, beecuz I done turned myself intu a grissly bar.  A rite big ol’ brown wun hoo are rite cornfertable in a tree.

I figgered—wrongly, durn it—that bein’ a bar wood bring in the wimmin in wagun-loads, becuz I axes yu: what purty gal ain’t got herself a stuffed bar in her bedroom?  So I knowed I wood git lucky, erspechully wif the fuzzy sort of gal like Miz Tenchi.

Beesides, by bein’ a bar, I cood handul enny sort of lovin’ (o’ pouncing’) shee mite throw my way. Miz Di, who am always symperthetical to my situashun, dun sent me a pounce animashun so I cood git evun with Miz T. Now am that nice, o’ whut?

Sad tu say, wunce I dun put my fotos as a bar up on my pro-file, the ladies did ree-spond, but it won’t in the mannur I wuz egg-spectin’ at awl.  In fack, all they sed wuz, n’ I kwotes it dee-reckly, “Awww…yu am so durned cute! I loves fuzzy bars n’ I wants tu give yu a bar-hug!”  Well, that am close enuf tu dee-reck tu be in the same corn-feeld, if not the same row, if’n yu knows what I meens.

In publick I gots hit upon rite cornstuntly.  Awl these-hear purty wimmin—an’ wun o’ tu fellers—kum up to Pappy an wanted a hug: but nuffin’ else. I had to git up a tree tu git away frum ‘em.  It were like a bar-baitin’ pit in the days o’ Billy Shake-a-spear.

Anysohow, I dun got so manny hugs n’ cuddles now that I are sore an plumb tuckered out. But I gots tu admit it rite now: sex in Secund Life am way tu much work!  I’m a-goin’ back tu bein’ a Moonshiner and practickle jokur, leastways until I stops hurtin’ so dang much.

Okay, Wiggly, whar am my 100 Lindens?  I needs to git to horsespittul becuz I are hurtin’ so much frum that huggin’ and cuddlin’ an so on.  Bein’ a cute cuddly bar am tuff work.

Post-Publurfickashun Addishun: STOP THEM-THAR PRESSES!!

Well, I reckon I were cornpleeterly PLUMB RONG. Why?  Tu-day, while I was patrollin’ UR Island becuz o’ a Swampy-Munster what have been sited thar (but that am an udder story) Miz Cynthia wuz a -wanderin’ round lookin’ tarribull blue n’ lonesum like.  Guess what!  She pounced on mee!  N’ I dun pounced on her.  We kept on a-pouncin’ till wee wuz laffin’ n’ coodn’t pounce no more.

Hoo-dawgie!  I reckon her frend Miz Techni dun told her how much fun it were.

This-hear bar-soot sure do bring in the wimmin!  An’ then me n’ Miz C had a hot date an went to several places n’ got drunk n’ got in trubbil wen Pappy got kiddy-napped by a Japanese feller drivin’ a ricky-shaw n’ got stranded in an underpants store n’.....oh, what the heck. I’ll tell y’all next time.

*Grins enormous, toothy grin*

Ma’am, I ain’t gud enuf fer yu, but they ain’t no hurt dun in proposin’ marriage.

N’ as yu knows, I are a hard-wurkin’ Moonshiner (an’ bar).

Warmest regords n’ admirashun,

Pappy

I wasn’t moping around your camp, I was on swamp monster patrol! But yesterday was fun and I feel a lot better now, thanks! *stands on tiptoe and gives Pappy a peck on the cheek*

BTW: Thanks for your marriage proposal!

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