Location: Undisclosed, Trying to Hide Pappy Enoch

Looks like more of Pappy’s “famberly” are coming to Second Life. Just like their literary counterparts, the Snopeses in William Faulkner’s Snopes trilogy, the members of the Enoch clan are getting thicker than fleas on a hound dog in the metaverse.

First there was Pappy, then his seldom-seen brother, The Reverend Lucifer Lee Enoch.  Next was Marcus Boo-boo Aurelius Enoch, a tiny white fox avatar, born apparently of Pappy and an unkown mother. Dianna and I remain his guardians while Pappy continues to pay off fees levied in Tombstone’s courthouse for neglect and moral turpitude.

Now comes more serious news for our hillbilly guest-writer: his notorious sister, Jezzabel Enoch. At least I think it is Jezz Enoch.  Pappy came to my office, where I was making my avatar grade mid-term exams. His hands shook as he presented me with this note, left by his still:

Yu tom-cattin’, Shine-swiggin’, pussel-gut, bandy leg, red-nose gut-bukkit! Yu am a dead man if’n yu du not pay mee the $500,000 US Dollurs yu owes mee on errcount o’ yu runnin’ off tu this-hear fake wirld n’ leavin’ me a-holdin’ the bag on the famberly white-lightnin’ operashun.  I dun got busted, went to the pokey, n’ had tu pay the Communwealf’ o’ Virginny that sum o’ munny.  It kum tu 135 Milli-yum Linden Dollurs o’ fake-wirld munny at 270 Linden tu the Greenback.

Now yu pay up qwik-like o’ yu ain’t a-gonna live much longur.  I’s madder’n the time when Big Bertha Bodacious poked out mah eye in the roller-derby.  Now git that-thar munny tu mee (an’ a glass eye-ball) o’ else.  Yo’ forgotten relashun, J.E.D.

Pappy was in a terrible state.

“Wiggly, I reckons I are in fo’ it, if’n that am Jezz, which I reckons it are.  She were bein’ a-courted n’ sparked by ol’ D’Artagnan Doodlebug Dastardly up Greasy-Bottom way wen I lef’ fo’ Secund Life.  That cood egg-splain the ‘D’ aftur the ‘J’ and ‘E.’ She were a Roller Derby seer-lebritee till she lost wun eye agin’ the Cornville C-Cup Crushers.  Yu don’t know this gal!  She dun kilt 3 (may-bee 4) huzz-bins awlreddy. She carries a hawg-leg .44 o’ an AK-47 at awl times, tu.  Chain-saw, tu….oh boo hoo hoo I are a ded man!“

A frown passed over my face.  “Did you really run off on your sister?”

Pappy hung his head. “I got drunk n’ sucked intu the corn-putin’ Web mersheen.  So I reckon I did run-offt.”

“Then you gotta pay her off, Pap.”

Pappy an I did some rapid-fire ciphering to see how long he’d have to camp, nonstop, at HippiePay, to repay the debt.

12.8 years. 

Nice knowing you, Pappy.  I am including a photo of Jezz from Pappy’s scrapbook.  You can check out the entire Enoch Clan from Pappy’s Famberly Tree as well. If you see Jezzabel, contact me so I can warn the Moonshiner. Consider her armed, dangerous, and on a mission of revenge.

Be sure to check the “In a Strange Land” Archive for old posts

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