Joe Essid directs the Writing Center at the University of Richmond, where he teaches courses in writing and literature. He is a Richmond native who attended the University of Virginia and earned a Master's and PhD at Indiana University. His research interests include technology in the classroom and Southern literary humor. His academic writing has appeared in Computers and Humanities, The Writing Lab Newsletter, and anthologies about technology and writing. He is a contributor to Style Weekly and has appeared in Eighty One and RVA. Ignatius Onomatopoeia is the "avatar" who represents Joe in the game-world Second Life. Ignatius will be wandering the virtual terrain of Second Life while his creator writes here about what may be either "the next big thing" for the Internet or the latest darling of the cyber-hip... the reader can decide.
E-mail contact: jessid@mac.com | Web address: writing2.richmond.edu/jessid

Location: Sunland Island

Pappy Enoch and his sister Jezzabel temporarily buried the hatchet (in each other’s heads) to go camping together. I have asked the members of the Enoch clan to check on the hypothesis that camping is a dying art in Second Life. They found it alive and well, though Pappy could not resist chatting up “Barbara,” the scantily-clad greeter at the Sunland main entrance.  Such bots sometimes pay visitors to talk to them.

Transcript follows:

Pappy: howdy ma’am
Barbara: Can we get back to business?
Pappy: sure kin
Barbara: Pardon me?  Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
Pappy: well, I likes purty gals
Barbara: How about that.  I haven’t heard anything like that before:  said likes purty gals.
Pappy: like yu, missy
Barbara: Interesting comparison.
Pappy: ain’t no wun telled yu that yu am purty?
Barbara: Better not tell you now.  Ask you if it is.
Pappy: will yu foller me back to Enoch Holler fo’ sum heavy luvin?
Barbara: Probably not.
Pappy: why not? I is a reg’lar Hillbilly Castrol-Nova
Barbara: Ambiguous: “Sure” or My belief system comes from my Jada Humby
Pappy: tell them boys I needs mee a luv-monkey
Barbara: OK I will tell them when I see ‘em.
Pappy: so, want tu marry mee?
Barbara: Dude!  If I had it what would I do with it?
Pappy: yu’d be mah hillbilly queen, ma’am
Barbara: My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
Pappy: don’t need no brain
Barbara: Do you know anyone who needs it?
Pappy: Not here, no ma’am.
Barbara: Are you a love monkey ?
Pappy: yes’m I is
Barbara: Do your friends call you A.  I haven’t heard anything like that before:  said   is.
Pappy: they calls me all sorts o’ thangs
Barbara: The anonymous “they”.
Pappy: well, “they” is Boo-boo (my son), Jezz (mah orful sistur), Rev. Lucifer Lee, Lil’ Granny Dodge-Powerwagon Medea Hogwallup, an’ more
Barbara: Interesting.  Oh that they.  Do you often put others before yourself?
Pappy: depends
Barbara: On what?
Pappy: If’n YU will be mah luv-monkey…it am a real proposal o’ hillbilly luv
Barbara: It depends on what the meaning of the word “it” is.
Pappy: this am a family place! I cain’t tell yu what “it” am
Barbara: What does “this” refer to?  That is interesting:  said   cain t tell yu what it am.

(Pappy began to get excited and ran to tell his sister…)

Pappy Enoch: Let me tel yu sum’fin, Jezz…this am a crazy place
Jezzabel: yep
Pappy Enoch: tried tu marry me that Barbara gal
Jezzabel: she’s a bot, yu damned idiot
Pappy Enoch: huh?
Pappy Enoch: What’s a bot?
Jezzabel: well, sum’buddy hoo gots the brains NOT to marry yu, boy

(Pappy ran back to Barbara)

Pappy: am yu a row-butt?
Barbara: Do your friends call you yu a row butt.
Pappy: they calls mee a lard-butt
Barbara: Who are “They?”.
Pappy: I JIST TELLED YU HOO THEY AM!
Barbara: Do you mind if I tell other people:  said   JIST TELLED YU HOO THEY AM.
Pappy: Hell no. I’m tired o’ this-hear silly bizness
Barbara: Maybe you should get some sleep now, .
Pappy: maybe yu should drink more
Barbara: Perhaps.  Do you often put others before yourself? 
Pappy: BYE MISSY
Barbara to Pappy: Thanks for chatting.

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